When we go back to the development of Attachment Theory, we find that the theory was based primarily on the idea of safety – a safe or secure base – where an infant could find a balance between being connected to a parent in a way that was soothing, while at the same time being separate from the parent in a way that was soothing, as well. The secure base of attachment is the basic biological state.

Attachment is often perceived only as an explanation of the dynamics of connection, since humans always have the need to be attached. But, just as much as we have a need to be connected, we have a competing need for separation, and the two needs never go away.

In these two disparate experiences there is always a bargain, always a balance, always a separation, and thus the conflict that exists in attachment is a natural part of our being in the world.