When our family begins to shift their focus from fearing conflict to acknowledging conflict, our attention is placed on the value that each person brings to the relationship, despite our differences.
Conflict is celebrated as a sign of growth and change, and as an acknowledgment of the attachment needs of each family member. As a result, intimacy within our family can be enhanced.
When I first began learning about the importance of conflict, I never thought of it as a gift. Yet it truly is!
While sharing your perspective might be scary, once you’ve done it, you can actually feel that you’ve been heard. Better yet, you might just get your needs met!
I think that in working with families, you can see how their own conflict can be hurtful and they tend to shy away from expressing their needs because of their history ( not feeling heard, anger, resentment). It’s important that the clinician continues to encourage them to understand one another (having that conflict) so that they can grow from it and learn to shift their responses the next time.
Yes, seeing conflict as a gift is contrary to our intuition. We often perceive it as a threat rather than a signal to pay attention and to communicate our differences.
Roy